born this way, die this way

things are better. i'm proud of you and so glad we're friends. i love you katie

p.s. - if that picture of tegan doesn't turn you on even a little, you're a prude

laugh with me, shout, scream

end of the weak week

blog rants generally aren't my thing, but tonights a special occasion:


i have the ability to think. i have the ability to comprehend. i have the ability to listen. but i do not have the ability to let you think for me. especially trivial things like this.

i'm not you.

and i'm not an idiot, either. i know when to stop.

also,

you know me. i'm NOT going to fake it up and do things to make people like me. i never said i wasn't going to try new things. EVER. it's not even a big deal.



tonight i was going to try and spend time with this one girl...but no. you got mad about the alcohol. you wouldn't speak to me, except for the occasional "you know i'm mad at you, right? hope you're having funnnnn". if you don't think that automatically puts me in a weird spot, you're crazy. i couldn't spend time with the person i really wanted to because i KNEW that you were disappointed and disgusted by me. why do you do that? do you like knowing that you've made things harder for someone else? that doesn't make any sense...


i know you say it's not preaching...but it is. you're not necassarily "preaching the edge", but you're preaching your opinion. and there's a difference between a "moral" opinion, and a "forced" opinion. yours was terribly forced. you didn't want to do something, so you made me feel bad for doing it. that makes no sense and is so selfish.

i can't talk to you
your emotions cloud every bit of integrity you've got left
and i can't voice my opinion without it being turned around
and made to be something I did to hurt YOU personally.
that was never what this was about

i think for myself
i've got plans in my head constantly. that's how i work. plans plans plans
and my plans for tonight were totally fucked up.

watch me sink

A breaking in spirit, a breaking in promise, a breaking in me
how can i find the peace inside me, in a world i can see....
thats taking and taking all for ourselves, taking and taking
and its dragging me down, deeper and deeper
watch me sink like a stone
in a sea of selfishness,
where me is more and you is less

the vanity, it becomes insanity.
we eat the shit that's fed to us.
we stomach it, and we embellish it,
and we confuse our love with lust.
cant we find another way?
the way that goes against the grain.
Abstain, The Grain.
abstain, abstain, abstain, abstain
THE GRAIN

the ugliness, licentiousness,
the love that is just skin deep
PLEASE GET ME OUT
before i become just a memory of what i used to be
GET ME THE FUCK OUT

we're deaf and blind to a age's cry
we refuse to fucking hear.
not learning to grow, just losing the one
i used to see in the fucking mirror

the egoists, the narcissists
the shallow waters wade in
PLEASE GET ME OUT

before i become just a memory
of what i used to be
GET ME THE FUCK OUT

of a world thats doing its best, night and day,
to make me everybody else

please take me out...
of a world without any heart
take me out
when they see my hope and rip it apart
take me out
of a world we built to serve our selfish-fucking-selves,
can you tell me
where does love fit in?

remember what love is?